How I decided to leave my family and friends in Texas, switch to a virtual work setup, and move to Italy. The events that led to my ultimate decision to go and the growth I experienced by listening to my intuition and focusing on the present moment.
The Opportunity
One thing I enjoy about myself is my spontaneity. I am usually practical or thoughtful most days, but occasionally, I can lean into the most random decisions of my life. This decision, however, was not your typical, die-your-hair-red-cause-why-not (although I accidentally did that horrifying act to my naturally blonde hair while in College at Texas Tech).
This was the decision to move to Italy. And not just that, but to move to Italy with my boyfriend. And, not just that either. To move to Italy and stay legally, I would need a visa of some sort. A work visa was going to take months maybe even years. I had to marry my boyfriend. And not just that simply either…I had 3 weeks to marry him until he moved to Italy for 2-5 years for a job opportunity with his current company.
Mind you, Collin had decided back in December of 2019, that he would move come April 1, 2020. He had been begging me to come since that December in 2019. Since before that, actually. We talked about the opportunity for months before he agreed to terms.
At the time, it was what I thought would be the hardest decision of my life- to not go with him. My decision was to stay in Dallas, Texas and work on my career, instead. I was just finishing my second year as a commercial real estate agent. I was due for another two years of relentless hours, hundreds of emails, thousands of calls, multiple networking events in a day, and a never ending faith in myself that maybe, one day, I would make it. That I would be somebody. That my job would allow me to be free.
To me, it was worth staying in Dallas for the possibility of who I COULD be. And so we agreed, he would go and I would stay.
We were two individual people with goals for ourselves and we weren’t going to hold each other back from what we wanted, even if it would set us thousands of miles away.
The “Setback”
And then Covid hit. Self quarantined. His leave date was pushed back indefinitely and then came the waiting period.
We were waiting to hear how safe it was in Italy, waiting to hear a leave date, wondering if it would ever come since Italy was facing extreme exposure and high death rates. The limbo period was wild.
I learned really fast that I needed something stable. Something to keep me grounded through the emotional rollercoaster of not knowing what is next and when.
I had just started therapy in January of 2020. Starting therapy for me, meant learning more about myself and facing patterns or cycles I wanted to overcome. Little did I know then, that therapy would be my saving grace.
Having an outlet, an unbiased opinion, from a professional counselor was how I coped through the next year of Covid.
I finally started doing yoga nearly every day – it was something on my never ending list of things I wanted to do but never started.
By June I was in amazing shape and got to Level 1.5 on core power yoga on demand. $20 a month for unlimited classes. You can’t beat that!! Then, after yoga I listened to Oprah’s Supersoul Conversations podcast. Let me just say now that Therapy, Yoga, and Oprah changed my life. I am forever grateful and will likely talk about Oprah throughout my blog with instances that relate to her conversations or unique takeaways and its meaning for me. And then I read The Defining Decade.
My ex-coworker put me on this book as “One of the best books you will ever read in your life as a 20 something year old”. I was 23 at the time. She wasn’t lying. The very first chapter was about your “Identity Capital” and how every person has an I.C. meter which is built on experiences, skills, relationships, anything that builds you up as a person. After I read that chapter I knew deep down in my gut that I needed to move to Italy; that would build my Identity Capital.
My gut was telling me that staying in Dallas, going to the same 3 bars- Bottled Blonde, Katy Trail, or Backyard every weekend with the same people, telling the same story which had the same 2 versions of an ending, had met its end. But my head was saying stay. That staying in Dallas meant staying for the possibility of success in the future. That staying in Dallas somehow meant I would definitely make it in commercial real estate one day and that I would have money to go anywhere or do anything. That staying in Dallas would be do-able for my long distance relationship with my 5 year boyfriend. That staying in Dallas would set me up for the future person I wanted to be.
I knew that I no longer wanted the “I’ll be happy when” mindset. For far too long I heard myself repeat the words, “I’ll be happy when this deal closes. Or, I’ll be happy when I land this client.” I wanted to be happy now. I didn’t want to be happy when all these things happened. Especially when most of the things I was waiting on to be happy were not granted. I was constantly stressed and I didn’t want to think this way anymore.
The Realization
I had it all wrong, all backwards. I needed to be who I am right now. Right at this moment. Tomorrow is not granted, but here I was worrying about the future so much that I lost focus on what mattered most. The Here. The Now.
Commercial real estate will always be there. I could always come back, or, maybe I could still do it, just internationally? This was not the only chance I will ever have to make it in the field so why not move to Italy?
I started growing tired of the same thing every weekend. I knew I would miss my friends and family but I needed something more. I was itching for it.
My question then became, what do you want more, this experience for yourself (and with Collin), or sticking to my career, which was only a glorified version of me in the future.
Of course, I didn’t just read this book and *poof* I had the answers to everything in life…It wasn’t like that.
Through the first year of Covid I learned more about myself, my values, and my priorities in a short amount of time than I had ever before. Time had slowed down. I was given an opportunity to take advantage of the stillness. To tune into my body, my soul, my emotions.
I was given the opportunity to listen to myself and determine what was best for me through the stillness the world was experiencing. It was like all that I had been focused on, or whatever I was subconsciously ignoring, was finally glaring me in the face.
It was my gut that told me. You know, that feeling on the top, front side of your stomach, right under your rib cage? The more I listen to my gut, the more my intuition grows. I had a gut feeling that moving to Italy was the answer. I just had to agree to it.
I was very back and forth. My heart and gut said go but my head said no. My soul said go but my logic said no. This went on for months and as each weekend came and went I was anxiously waiting for updated news on when Collin would leave, so that I would know how much time I had left with him.
I cried a lot, thinking about him leaving. It was the best thing for him, this was for his Identity Capital. He needed this, but did I?
The Decision
And then we got the news. It was July 1st and he had his leave date, August 12th. I had about a month left with him. I knew this month was coming eventually. I was happy for him, but I was still confused. I called all my mentors looking for insight- all CEOs of small, medium, and large companies. They all said the same damn thing.
“So lets say you stay, and in 2 years lets say you do make it, but Collin’s trip is over. You just missed it. You may have the money to go now but the same opportunity isn’t there for you. Or even worse, you stay here in Dallas and in 2 years it did not play out how you thought it would, and you missed this amazing opportunity.
You can always come back. You can always change your mind again. You can always try again. This is not forever, nothing is forever. Take an opportunity like this while you are young and have the ability to” they said.
I prayed to the Earth, to God, I asked the Universe for a sign or some sort of answer. An answer to, “What is it you want me to do? Show me what you want of me”.
Sometimes it takes me months to make a decision, but when I make it, it’s happening. I woke up the morning of July 4th and the feeling surmounted me. I was going to Italy and that was my decision.
I told Collin that morning that I wanted to go. His response was that if my answer is still yes in exactly one week, then we can move forward on it. He wanted me to be 100% certain that this is what I wanted and not just a random decision.
Collin knows I have goals and visions for myself. He knows my entire family and all my friends are from Dallas. I grew up here. This was my home. What he didn’t know was that my mind was already made up. We knew we would get married one day anyways, this would just speed things up a bit.
I was incredibly selfish. I wanted to go to Italy. I wanted to go to Italy with him. I wanted to experience a different version of myself, the next version, in the next season of my life. I wanted to meet new friends, Italian friends, and learn a new language, and explore, and really meet myself.
Waiting for that next Monday felt like the longest week of my life. My answer was still the same, I wanted to move to Italy and I wanted to marry him.
“Alright,” he said. “We’ve got 3 weeks to get married,” he said. In 3 weeks my boyfriend would be my Husband.
