Pain Body

I always found the appointment to review my MRI scans with my neurologist both exciting and frightening. Not knowing the fate of what lies ahead can be scary but the best advice I can give someone who is nervous for their results is that you will be okay no matter what they are.

Since I get my annual MRI at the end of the year, it “snapshots” the last year’s activity on my brain and spine. My annual checkup is at the start of the new year, which is bittersweet as it can feel like a fresh start or a new focus.

During my checkup, we discuss how I felt in the last year, any changes I’ve made to my diet or lifestyle, what is working or not working, and any new symptoms I am experiencing. This is the time to be totally honest with your doctor!

My doctor then conducts a side by side comparison of the previous year’s MRI with the current year’s. He is looking for any increase in inflammation or lesion activity. Unfortunately, there won’t be a reduction in activity since Multiple Sclerosis (like other Chronic Illnesses) does not have a cure yet.

Types of MS

It took me a MRI scan of my brain and spine, lab work, and many doctors visits before I figured out the type of Multiple Sclerosis I have.

At this time I won’t be sharing what I have but I will share how you can understand the different types of MS.

No New Progression

No New Progression means I do not have any increase in inflammation or lesions on my brain or spine, which are what cause certain symptoms to occur, depending on where they are and how damaged they may be.

If the lesions are grey, it means that they are “inactive” – an older lesion from a previous year.

New Progression

New Progression is determined if the lesions are white or “active”, which appear on the MRI if your doctor ordered dye contrast with your scans. (I explain this in 8 Tips before getting an MRI).

Active lesions in my case, are new lesions when compared to the previous MRI.

What is the Pain Body?

Of course you always want to hope for no new progression and a healthy body. But what exactly does that mean? It wasn’t until I discussed my new symptoms with my doctor that he explained what the body is really capable of. I’ll use last year’s annual check up as an example.

While discussing how crazy the last year was…I moved out of my apartment, planned a wedding in 3 weeks and married my boyfriend, moved to Italy during a pandemic, was in quarantine for 3 – 6 months, launched a blog, and had to create a whole new life for myself abroad, I honestly expected to see something on the MRI.

To my humble surprise, my doctor informed me that there was “No New Progression”…that my lesions were “inactive”.

Happy but Confused

I was happy but confused. Confused how despite a stressful year through Covid and many major life events taken place, my MRI results remained unchanged. But, I was still experiencing new symptoms…it didn’t make sense.

I asked my doctor how could this be? He looked confused.

“It is a good thing you do not have any new lesions Lanier,” he said. I laughed because I probably sounded crazy.

It wasn’t that I wanted the results to match the last year of caos, emotions, ups and downs, stress, or trauma. But rather that I expected it would have. I shared this with my doctor.

The Pain Body Within Us

He explained to me that any new symptoms or flare-ups I have, (currently – anxiety attacks & legs giving out), are from my old lesions.

Mind you, I have had MS for almost 5 years now with no new lesions for 2 years. This means I am currently experiencing flare ups and new symptoms today, from old lesions…lesions over 3 to 5 years ago.

This was even more shocking than my unchanged results. It goes to show how pain, trauma, and stress can live in your body. Even though the lesions are no longer active, I can still feel the side effects from them YEARS later.

It makes me wonder what other experiences, emotions, or events that have taken place in my life have also manifested within my body. And this doesn’t just go for people with Chronic Illness. This can be true for anyone! More people need to talk about this! In “The Body Keeps The Score”, the author does a great job or explaining how victims of trauma throughout history, have experienced recurrent nightmares or symptoms years after the traumatic incidents.

I look at my old lesions and the flare-ups they bring like Ekhart Tole refers to the Pain Body in, “A New Earth”.

What was once unresolved issues from my past, is showing up in my life today. If lesions go untreated (without the right medicine, diet, environment, or lifestyle choices), they can continue to feed on itself and manifest into other areas of your life. Similar to the Pain Body, once you confront your Pain Body, you are able to start healing yourself again.

Moving Past the Pain Body

My doctor then said “Despite everything you have experienced in the last year…whatever you are doing…is working.”

At this point I’m smiling from ear to ear as butterflies begin to fill my stomach.

I was smiling because this meant the spiritual practice and ayurvedic principles I have brought into my life are working.

The meditations, yoga, journaling, present moment, subconscious awareness, letting go of Ego, focusing on what my body needs, asking for what I want, saying no, listening to my gut, continuing the medicine to stop new progression…it has all been working. It meant that this wasn’t just some fun, new lifestyle to try.

It has become food for my soul and fuel for my body. My Soul Purpose was built to be an example and inspiration to others. It wasn’t just a belief or hope anymore, but a way of life. If it works for me I figured it could work for others.

I explained this to my doctor. He is from India and he practices Buddhism. I mentioned I had been practicing Ayurveda and Mediterranean diet and that I am tuning into the present moment and meditating often.

He smiled back aware of my excitement and realization. Nodding his head in understanding he said, “it is working”.